How Do You Know He’s the One?

by Jen on November 8, 2005

Q: I wanna ask you about boys cuz I have my boyfriend but we live separated. He lives in another city and I still don’t know if I will marry him. He’s a returned missionary and a good member but i’m thinking about breaking up with him because of the distance. He has all his family and friends there and I can’t break that. So this past week I prayed a lot for my decision and more and more I came to the conclusion to break up, that maybe it is for the best. I wanna ask you how do you know when you’re dating a guy that he will be your partner and your love for the rest of your life?

I’m 21 and I’m trying to follow our prophet’s teachings.

A: I’m sure there are many other girls who are either in the same predicament, have been, or will be at some point in their lives! I must say that you have already taken the most important step; seeking divine guidance. Prayer is always the best way to turn. After all, who knows what is best for us better than our Heavenly Father? Anytime a boy is involved the situation can get complicated. There is a fine line between who you WANT to marry, and who you SHOULD marry. I always had this idea that fate would step in, and that there was one guy out there for me, and that I would just know when I met him.

That didn’t work out so well for me! I was dating someone that I REALLY wanted to marry. He was – or at least I thought he was – everything I had been looking for. But I never felt that spirit of comfort letting me know that I had finally found “the one.” As difficult as it was to break away from that relationship, I knew it was for the best. When I met my soon-to-be husband shortly after, I had a hunch that he was the one, however, if anyone would have told me that I would end up with him as my husband, I would have laughed! It took us a couple years to get where we are now, but it was well worth the wait.

The topic of a young single adult fireside I attended once was on dating and marriage. The one thing I took with me from that was the realization that the ONE person I was waiting for wasn’t going to just appear on my doorstep; I had to make an effort to find him. I couldn’t just leave it up to fate, and when I did find him, I knew it would still take some work on both our parts. As far as the long distance thing, I have been in a long distance relationship that was great, we had fun together. However, much like you, I knew it wasn’t right and that I would not end up marrying him. After praying my heart out, I finally gained the courage to end it.

Sometimes we have to be selfish. You have to do what is best for you in matters like this and not necessarily worry about who will get hurt. You need to protect yourself, and your heart. The right one will come, I know this from experience. We all know by now that there is a plan for us, just be true to yourself and to your Heavenly Father and it will all work out in your best interest.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Anonymous December 19, 2005 at 7:10 pm

When my husband and I were dating, we lived over 1,000 miles apart. So, having a “serious” relationship wasn’t easy. We visited each other whenever possible and talked on the phone and internet. Then marraige began coming up in our conversations. I was really unsure, being that we were so far away from each other. I didn’t know if I really knew him or if I just knew the best side of him. We both prayed about it for several months. When he asked, it felt right to say yes. Saying no didn’t even cross my mind. Although I still had my many doubts, non of them were really legit. Yet, I am so glad that I went ahead with it! I love my husband so much and do not regret it for a second! Also, I have a friend who had a complete internet/phone relationship and didn’t even meet her guy until the week before the wedding! I’m not saying that things will always work out with long-distance realtionships, I’ve also seen the ones that have not worked out. Just remember that you have to make a decsion, then pray about it, in that order. Talk it over with your boyfriend, he may be feeling the same way, or not. Good luck!

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Anonymous April 3, 2006 at 12:55 pm

I think brandy’s colume is great but I getting sick of seeing the same questions on it everytime I come here.

I have sent in several questions that I really wonder about and want answered and im sure other girls feel the same way. Please answer our questions. I really need your advice.

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