My Life, My Decision

Q: I have a huge problem but I don't know who to turn to! You are the only adult mormon that i can talk to. You see, I have a boyfriend who is Mormon.
He told me about the church and after a tough couple of years deciding whether or not the church was true, i have decided that i want to join. I have been raised christian all my life and when i told my mom she told me (and continually tells me) that I am "joining a cult and am going to hell with the rest of the mormons" she cries and tells me i'm breaking her heart and to "look at what my first little boyfriend has done to me" She doesn't know how close our relationship is, and i know that if we did break up, I would still want to join. I don't know what to do! today i asked her if she would disown me or quit paying for my college education if i joined and at first she said now but then she kind of hinted at it. i'm considering enlisting so i can learn to support myself but we already talked about this and my parents want me to get a college eduation. I'm scared I won't have a home to go to if i try to transfer to a cheaper college. i don't know how to make it on my own!i barely have any money. i've prayed but i just don't know. right now enlistment is looking pretty great (although i'd be disappointed to know that im a college dropout)..I'm sorry for piling all this on you, but you are the only person who might be able to help me.

A: Believe me, I know what a tough predicament you are in. I went through something very similar when I chose to join the church. I was 21 years old at the time, so my family couldn’t stop me, but they sure didn’t make it easy!

I began attending church with my ex-husbands mom and sister when he and I were dating. I went pretty regularly, but my ex didn’t really like that I was going with them, since he had stopped going himself. After that I would attend for special events like baby blessings, but other than that I wouldn’t go. When he and I split up, my daughter and I attended several other churches, but I never had the same feeling I had when I went to the LDS church. It took a little while after my divorce, but within about a year I was baptized. I can’t even begin to tell you what a blessing the church has been in my life!

The sad part was that my parents, who have supported every decision I have ever made, refused to attend my baptism. I was very hurt by this, of course, but I didn’t let it affect my joy or the spirit of my special day. The most important thing that I feel I did was sit down with my parents and let them know how important the church is to me, and how happy it makes me. I know that now they make an honest effort to be supportive, even though they do not believe what I do. When I was married this summer, the issue of them not being able to attend my temple sealing came up, but I did all I could to involve them and keep them informed every step of the way. Both events were amazing, and I know that my parents are proud of me, and they are so happy for me and my new husband.

The reality of it is that it really doesn’t matter what your parents or anyone else thinks about your decision. That may seem like a harsh statement, but I’ve learned that it is so true. I don’t know your mom, but I can say from experience that she will come around. The best advice I can give you is to sit down with her and tell her how happy going to church makes you. Ask her if she has any questions about it, and try to find her answers if she does. Let her know that you are doing this for YOU and you would like her to be a part of it. Sometimes our parents need to be reminded that we are grown ups too and we are perfectly capable of making our own decisions. I think that at times it’s just hard for them to accept that. Be a good example, you never know who you will touch.

As far as the issue with going to college and the support there, try not to focus so much on what you might lose by joining the church. Focus on all of the joy, the blessings, and the happiness you will have. Just have faith that your mom will come around. You will have so much love and support from other members of the church you won’t even know what to do with yourself! Just keep your head up and be proud of your decision, and know that your Heavenly Father is proud of you as well. We’re always here for you, too, whenever you need someone to talk to.

How Do You Know He's the One?

Q: I wanna ask you about boys cuz I have my boyfriend but we live separated. He lives in another city and I still don't know if I will marry him. He's a returned missionary and a good member but i'm thinking about breaking up with him because of the distance. He has all his family and friends there and I can't break that. So this past week I prayed a lot for my decision and more and more I came to the conclusion to break up, that maybe it is for the best. I wanna ask you how do you know when you're dating a guy that he will be your partner and your love for the rest of your life?

I'm 21 and I'm trying to follow our prophet's teachings.

A: I'm sure there are many other girls who are either in the same predicament, have been, or will be at some point in their lives! I must say that you have already taken the most important step; seeking divine guidance. Prayer is always the best way to turn. After all, who knows what is best for us better than our Heavenly Father? Anytime a boy is involved the situation can get complicated. There is a fine line between who you WANT to marry, and who you SHOULD marry. I always had this idea that fate would step in, and that there was one guy out there for me, and that I would just know when I met him.

That didn't work out so well for me! I was dating someone that I REALLY wanted to marry. He was - or at least I thought he was - everything I had been looking for. But I never felt that spirit of comfort letting me know that I had finally found "the one." As difficult as it was to break away from that relationship, I knew it was for the best. When I met my soon-to-be husband shortly after, I had a hunch that he was the one, however, if anyone would have told me that I would end up with him as my husband, I would have laughed! It took us a couple years to get where we are now, but it was well worth the wait.

The topic of a young single adult fireside I attended once was on dating and marriage. The one thing I took with me from that was the realization that the ONE person I was waiting for wasn't going to just appear on my doorstep; I had to make an effort to find him. I couldn't just leave it up to fate, and when I did find him, I knew it would still take some work on both our parts. As far as the long distance thing, I have been in a long distance relationship that was great, we had fun together. However, much like you, I knew it wasn't right and that I would not end up marrying him. After praying my heart out, I finally gained the courage to end it.

Sometimes we have to be selfish. You have to do what is best for you in matters like this and not necessarily worry about who will get hurt. You need to protect yourself, and your heart. The right one will come, I know this from experience. We all know by now that there is a plan for us, just be true to yourself and to your Heavenly Father and it will all work out in your best interest.