A New Role in Life

I have a newly converted friend who has a little boy. She is 17. I often see her flirting with some of my guy friends but she doesn't tell them she has a little boy. I'm her friend, so I don't want to be mean to her, but on the other hand, those guys deserve to know that they shouldn't flirt back. Or, they should at least know that she has a little boy. I think it's really unfair for them.Also, the same person keeps coming to activities for youth because she wants to see the guys, but she isn't allowed because she has a child. What am I supposed to do?

~Anonymous



Hi there~

This is kind of a touchy subject in the church. First of all I want to say that it is sad to me that your friend isn’t open about having a baby. Children are the biggest blessings we are given here on Earth and she should be proud to say she is a mommy. The fact is, she can’t go back and change it so she might as well embrace it rather than be ashamed of it.

On that note, once you have a child in the church, you are considered an adult. You are then welcomed to the Relief Society. I can understand your friend’s position in wanting to socialize with boys her age, but she will soon be 18 and able to attend the singles ward. Her records will still be in the family ward, but I don’t believe anyone would have a problem with her attending with the other young single adults. I did that myself for a while. I actually attended both wards occasionally, and went to the YSA activities. That’s how I met my awesome husband!

Your friend is on the right track. Joining the church will be such a wonderful and amazing thing for her and her son. There is so much love and support in this church and hopefully she will never feel alone in her decision. As for your role in this, just be her friend. Talk to her about your concerns and assure her that you have her best interest at heart. Maybe encourage her to speak with your Bishop about what he feels she should do. There is nothing more wonderful for a convert to the church than to have a great friend to love and support them.

Shortly after I joined the church I had some personal trials and felt so alone. My daughter and I ended up moving home with my parents and that is where I met Laura. She was the daughter of a great lady in my family ward there and her mom encouraged her to invite me to the YSA activities. I don’t know where I would be without her! Just be supportive of your friend. It is so easy to stumble off the path, and sometimes just having someone there to hold our hand along the way can make all the difference. Thank you for being this friend to her.

~Brandy

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My First Make-Under

I can't seem to find a makeup style guide that will work for me. I am just starting to wear makeup, so I don't really know what will look good on me. I also don't want to pile a ton on, only a little. Any advice?

~Lauren


Hi Lauren~

I’m so glad you are asking for advice on this subject! So many girls your age just start slapping colors on their face and end up looking like clowns. Nothing compares to natural beauty, and makeup should only be used to enhance this.

This also gives me the opportunity to talk about one of my favorite birthday memories growing up. On my 13th birthday my mom made an appointment at the mall for me to get a makeover at one of the makeup counters. It was so much fun and such a great experience. Most any of the make up lines will do them for free. You aren’t obligated to purchase all the products they use. They talked to me about the colors I should use and those I should stay away from, proper skin care, and how not to overdo it. Not only was it a great learning experience and fun, but it was a great bonding moment that my mom and I were able to enjoy together. Some of the tips that have stuck with me are to ALWAYS wear a moisturizer with sunscreen, and less is more.

For those of you who are old enough to go to formal dances and such, you are even able to get these makeovers at the mall makeup counters for special events. Another option for an evening makeup look is to call your local beauty college, they are a great affordable option as well.

~Brandy

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BFF's?

I have these friends, but sometimes they start fighting with me for no reason at all. Two days later they'll be all huggy saying stuff like you're my best friend ever, I love you, but I know from experience that before I know it we'll be fighting again. I have so much fun with them and they're my best friends in the world.....when they like me. But every so often they decide that they don't like me. It never lasts long, but it still hurts. Things are going pretty well right now, but I'm preparing to get hurt again because it's been a while. It's like I am expecting it now! I've tried branching out to other people as friends, but it never clicks like it does when I'm with these friends I've been telling you about. Which is worse? Having no friends at all or having friends who hurt you and expect you to be okay with it after they suck up to you?

~Emilie



Hi Emilie~

It is SO tough being a girl sometimes! With everything we have to go through in this life, if you can’t count on your friends to be there for you then every situation seems to be magnified beyond what we can handle. I have to say that one of my best friends growing up was a boy and our relationship was so much different than those I had with my girlfriends. I’m sure that every girl reading this has had a similar situation.

I have an eight year-old daughter who is learning this lesson herself. Everyday when I pick her up from school I ask how her day was and it is almost always the same response; It was good, except so-and-so was being mean to me, or so-and-so didn’t want to play with me at recess. I try to tell her each time that if her friends make her feel bad then they probably aren’t her real friends.

I can tell you that as an adult I even go through similar things with my grown-up friends. Fortunately we can just put it behind us at this point because we realize now that life is too short. When you’re eight, or 15, or even 20 for that matter, this is a more difficult realization. The way I see it, you have a couple of choices. You can either talk with your friends and let them know how you are feeling, (easier said than done, I know!), or you can just take a break from them. Sometimes we need that.

I had a best friend from Kindergarten through high school. We were each others Maid of Honor in our weddings and everything. I can probably sit here right now and list a handful of times when we went through these little tiffs, but what good would that do me? I would much rather remember all of the fun we had and all the good memories. In high school I had a few really good friends, some who I still have a great relationship with and others who I may get an email from every now and then. We had quotes under our pictures in our senior yearbooks and mine was, “Good friends we’ve had, good friends we’ve lost along the way” by the great Bob Marley. I guess my lesson here is that the friends you have now may not necessarily be around throughout your entire life here on earth, but the memories you make with them will be engrained in your mind always. Keep the friends in your life who make you a better person. The ones who make you smile, the ones you can laugh at yourself with, and the ones who uplift you. Be there for your friends, but don’t let them bring you down.

As I said before, it is tough being a girl, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have amazing friends whom I love with all my heart. I have friends who are just memories now, friends who I keep in my prayers because I know they aren’t living up to their fullest potential, friends who have passed on. Friendship is such a strong bond. If you know that you are being a good friend to these girls but they aren’t treating you the same, then maybe they don’t deserve you as a friend. I hope this helps!

~Brandy

"Never shall I forget the days I spent with you. Continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours." ~ Ludwig Von Beethoven~

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An Eternal Perspective

I have been having a really hard time with something. You see, there is a girl in my ward who is such a faker. She acts so sweet and innocent but she isn't. She acts like she wants a temple marriage, while she does things that would make you think the opposite like acting suggestive and going from boy to boy. She is even immoral. Like I said, she comes across like a fun and good person but she is very irresponsible, disrespectful and disobedient. So, all the guys in our ward think she's the greatest and since I can't flirt the only attention I get from them is when I do something stupid. They even talk about me. I am trying to be a good person and follow the prophet and I want good guys to like me more than anything. It really makes me think by looking at her that if I was that way I would be liked more. It's just really hard and so confusing. Please help me know that what I am trying to do is right.

~Kristina


Hi Kristina~

It sounds like you are doing exactly what you should be doing. The young men and women in the church have a huge responsibility in this respect. You have to be a good example to everyone around you, including siblings, classmates, etc. You are in a tough spot because you know what is going on with this girl, but I know how hard it can be to not be a tattle tale, especially when it is in someone’s best interest. Try to focus on yourself and knowing that you are doing what is right, and hopefully your example will rub off on her. Remember that this girl is responsible for her own actions, and she will be held accountable for them.

The boys will notice you. In fact, they may be noticing you now and you just don’t realize it! I know as well as anyone that as a teenager you think you have everything figured out. Boy, is it a kick in the pants when you wake up a few years from now and feel like you are starting over again! Just continue to follow the Prophet. Respect yourself and your morals and know that you will be blessed for your efforts.

It is such a blessing to be married in the temple. Strive for that. If that is your goal then do not settle for less, keep the eternal perspective. Someday the boys in your ward are going to be grown up and looking for a righteous girl such as yourself. Don’t lower your standards just to be “popular.” It isn’t worth it. I hope this girl in your ward will get her own priorities straight so that she will be able to have these same blessings. Thank goodness for repentance! One thing that I have to remind myself of on a daily basis is that Heavenly Father has a plan for us, whether or not thing are going the way WE would like them to! He knows each of us and knows what is best. Trust in Him. Stay on the path you’re on and I’m sure you will come across that boy in the right time.

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I'm Brandy, JenMagazine's new ask anything girl. I'm here to help you find answers to questions that you may not feel comfortable asking anyone else. I want to be a friend, a confidant. Someone you can turn to with questions you may have. Anything. Trust me, I've probably been through it myself or known someone who has! You might be surprised how much of an impact you can have on someone else by sharing your own experiences, trials, questions, etc. Don'€™t be shy now,€“ send those questions my way!

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