My Life, My Decision

by The Evans Fam on November 28, 2005

Q: I have a huge problem but I don’t know who to turn to! You are the only adult mormon that i can talk to. You see, I have a boyfriend who is Mormon.
He told me about the church and after a tough couple of years deciding whether or not the church was true, i have decided that i want to join. I have been raised christian all my life and when i told my mom she told me (and continually tells me) that I am “joining a cult and am going to hell with the rest of the mormons” she cries and tells me i’m breaking her heart and to “look at what my first little boyfriend has done to me” She doesn’t know how close our relationship is, and i know that if we did break up, I would still want to join. I don’t know what to do! today i asked her if she would disown me or quit paying for my college education if i joined and at first she said now but then she kind of hinted at it. i’m considering enlisting so i can learn to support myself but we already talked about this and my parents want me to get a college eduation. I’m scared I won’t have a home to go to if i try to transfer to a cheaper college. i don’t know how to make it on my own!i barely have any money. i’ve prayed but i just don’t know. right now enlistment is looking pretty great (although i’d be disappointed to know that im a college dropout)..I’m sorry for piling all this on you, but you are the only person who might be able to help me.

A: Believe me, I know what a tough predicament you are in. I went through something very similar when I chose to join the church. I was 21 years old at the time, so my family couldn’t stop me, but they sure didn’t make it easy!

I began attending church with my ex-husbands mom and sister when he and I were dating. I went pretty regularly, but my ex didn’t really like that I was going with them, since he had stopped going himself. After that I would attend for special events like baby blessings, but other than that I wouldn’t go. When he and I split up, my daughter and I attended several other churches, but I never had the same feeling I had when I went to the LDS church. It took a little while after my divorce, but within about a year I was baptized. I can’t even begin to tell you what a blessing the church has been in my life!

The sad part was that my parents, who have supported every decision I have ever made, refused to attend my baptism. I was very hurt by this, of course, but I didn’t let it affect my joy or the spirit of my special day. The most important thing that I feel I did was sit down with my parents and let them know how important the church is to me, and how happy it makes me. I know that now they make an honest effort to be supportive, even though they do not believe what I do. When I was married this summer, the issue of them not being able to attend my temple sealing came up, but I did all I could to involve them and keep them informed every step of the way. Both events were amazing, and I know that my parents are proud of me, and they are so happy for me and my new husband.

The reality of it is that it really doesn’t matter what your parents or anyone else thinks about your decision. That may seem like a harsh statement, but I’ve learned that it is so true. I don’t know your mom, but I can say from experience that she will come around. The best advice I can give you is to sit down with her and tell her how happy going to church makes you. Ask her if she has any questions about it, and try to find her answers if she does. Let her know that you are doing this for YOU and you would like her to be a part of it. Sometimes our parents need to be reminded that we are grown ups too and we are perfectly capable of making our own decisions. I think that at times it’s just hard for them to accept that. Be a good example, you never know who you will touch.

As far as the issue with going to college and the support there, try not to focus so much on what you might lose by joining the church. Focus on all of the joy, the blessings, and the happiness you will have. Just have faith that your mom will come around. You will have so much love and support from other members of the church you won’t even know what to do with yourself! Just keep your head up and be proud of your decision, and know that your Heavenly Father is proud of you as well. We’re always here for you, too, whenever you need someone to talk to.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Anonymous December 30, 2005 at 6:35 pm

I like Brandy’s colume but I think you should change the question a little more often.

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Anonymous June 16, 2006 at 12:40 pm

Great advice!!! Don’t let anyone influence your decision…it is not theirs to make! I went through the same thing a few years back & after trying to make everyone else happy I figured otu I was the one who had to live my life! I am now celebrating 4 years since my baptism and loving life!

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Anonymous September 18, 2006 at 8:59 am

Hi. I just have to say that I know what it is like. It stinks sometimes but I know that if you do what Heavenly Father wants you to do all will be wonderful. Do those things and pay your tithing and blessings will pour out onto you.

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