Wallflowers

by Jen on November 14, 2005

by Kristina Haws

Have you ever been to a dance where it seemed like everyone was standing on the wall? Sometimes during the fast songs most everyone is out on the floor but when a slow song starts all the boys seem to disappear. I’ve had both of these experiences.

So why don’t boys just ask you to dance? Do they not like you? Or are they just nervous?

Well whatever the reason is, there is a major shortage of male dancers. So what is the solution? I find that if I just go up to a boy and ask, I end up having a lot more fun.

I used to be pretty shy about just going up to some guy, especially the cute ones, and asking them to dance. But as I do more and more, I gain more confidence.

Once you have a partner it’s a lot more fun if you have something to talk about. Once you’ve gotten past asking their name, age, grade, etc. you could ask if they like the song that’s playing and then go on to asking their favorite kind of music. It usually helps the conversation if you’re relaxed. Recently a guy I was dancing with said “I don’t like this song”. His statement kind of startled me, but for the rest of the dance I wasn’t so nervous.

So maybe next time you’re at a dance you’ll feel more confident doing the asking.

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Bailey November 15, 2005 at 9:47 am

yeah, i agree. its pointless to wait for someone to ask you. just do the asking yourself! i do it all the time. and i’ve made a lot of cool friends that way too. you may be stepping out of your comfort zone, but it’ll be worth it! and each time you ask someone to dance, it gets easier. so no worries!

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Anonymous January 3, 2006 at 2:08 pm

the first time i did that i was probably red in the face because i thought he would say no, but he didn’t. I’ve only had a guy turn me down once, but I didn’t really like him anyway.

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Anonymous January 8, 2006 at 8:42 pm

Another good conversation starter is to ask them what color their toothbrush is or something odd like that itmakes them laugh and loosen up to, so your hand finally feels better!

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Anonymous January 19, 2006 at 8:22 pm

I try asking guys every once in a while and sometimes it’s fun, but also sometimes I ask a guy who is 14 or 15 when I am 17 or 16. It is a risk, but most of the time it works. At EFY a conversation starter was “Which do you like more: cherry tomatoes or regular tomatoes?” This made the dance/conversation go so much smoother.

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Anonymous February 2, 2006 at 10:30 pm

I’m sorry it might get you out of your comfort zone, but at the same time we are making it way too easy for the boys to be lazy and not feel the need to even make an effort. We need to show interest so they are confident in asking because what they are afraid of is rejection so if they feel confident that you won’t say no then they’ll ask.

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Anonymous July 12, 2006 at 10:41 am

eh, my opinion is that it’d be nice if boys did the asking but the sad truth is they dont do that all the time. give them the first option but then go for it! i asked the guy to dance first that asked me to prom a while after! go for it! p.s. but dont ask the same person twice in one dance, let him ask then…

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Anonymous July 17, 2006 at 9:41 pm

I totally agree, but I also would like to make a suggestion to all girls. When a guy asks you to dance, even if you’re deathly shy, don’t turn him down. Most boys are very sensitive and even if they’re not it’s just nicer and you can make really awesome friends.

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Chey August 21, 2006 at 8:48 pm

Haha…the last dance I went to (last month) I actually asked a guy to dance with me…that was a first! I got so nervous that he’d say no! But instead he said, “Sure.” I’m not “sure” that that was what he really wanted…but we had a great time! There’s nothing wrong with asking a guy to dance, sometimes they’re shy or they don’t want to put out the effort of asking a girl to dance. I just got tired of being a wallflower! So I asked him to dance with me. And for me it really was stepping out of my comfort zone…but I’m “sure” glad I did!

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Anonymous July 22, 2007 at 6:29 pm

My friend and I used to be against the idea of asking a guy to dance, it just didn’t seem traditional. But after talking about it with our parents, we realised tha there really is no problem in a girl asking. My dad said that he would always be flattered when a girl would ask him to dance because he was too shy to do it himself.

So please fellow girls, go ahead and ask the guys. My friend and I avoided disappointment this way because at the end of the night we had danced with all the guys we wanted to, and an extra bonus is that our confidence and acceptance of the boys we asked made them more comfortable because they know that were somewhat interested!

From MRH

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Anonymous February 10, 2010 at 4:07 pm

I tend to have the same problem of going to dances and no one will ask me. I have found that asking people to dance is not as bad as it seems and inturn more people come to ask me. Some times my friends and I challenge each other by saying "if I ask this guy you ask that guy" and it makes it alot easyer to go up to the guys. My brother is going to his first dance very soon and I'm making sure he always asks girls to dance.:)

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