3 Things That Seem Romantic But Aren’t

by Jen

By April Aragam

Relationships have ups and downs no matter what age you are. But when you’re young, things that seem romantic might not really be. They are acts that make us feel special, needed and adored, but aren’t the true intention of the giver.

1. Jealousy
While jealousy is thought to be an emotion that means we’re loved and don’t want to be taken away, there is a limit. We all feel jealous sometimes. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend get attention from someone else can trigger jealousy. But it is not something to be acted upon. When jealousy turns into making your boyfriend or girlfriend feel guilty about having any other human contact or the jealousy turns into anger, there is a problem. Most of the time we have to keep our feelings of jealousy under control. Just because we feel something, we don’t always have the right to express it. Jealousy and expressing it will also make the other person feel as though they are not trusted.

2. Constant Contact
When you are not with your boyfriend or girlfriend, do they always have to be in touch with you whether it’s on the phone or texting? What happens if you can’t be reached immediately? If your partner doesn’t like when you’re out of reach, this is cause for concern. Though it may seem sweet and loving that they always have to know where you are, it’s quite the opposite. This is a form of control and an indication that you are not trusted. Unless you have actually done something to make someone not trust you, never blame yourself for their actions. If someone cannot trust you whether you have done something or not, they do not have a right to control and harass you. If you are not able to go any period of time without having to check in or be contacted by your boyfriend/girlfriend it’s time to have a conversation.

3. Buying Forgiveness
If your boyfriend or girlfriend gets angry often and then buys back your affection with flowers, candy or other gifts you want to be careful. Not because it is dangerous, but because it’s a bad habit to get into. If someone learns they can lose control of their temper and then make everything right with a gift, they’ll continue doing it and it can lead to worse things, such as physical abuse. You don’t want to teach them that they can come back from bad actions simply by buying their way back into your good books. It takes more than a gift to make things right, especially when it comes to things like communication. A gift doesn’t take the place of talking out problems and dealing with them.

When any of the above actions become habit, it’s not a sign of romance, but more of control. Control is not love, but when you are new to dating it can feel like something special.

April Aragam is a freelance writer from Vancouver, BC. She has been published in magazines such as Calgary's Child, Baltimore's Child, The New Writer, The Willamette Writer and Fellowscript.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

dancegirl15 July 28, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Great advice!!!  I love how you emphasize that "control is not love."


Michele August 20, 2011 at 7:36 pm

This is awesome, April! It's all so very true. I agree with dancegirl15 — I love that you make it clear that "control is not love." 
Great job!


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